today i caved and started a spotify premium subscription (students, it’s $5 a month!!!!). premium means i can download songs to my phone for offline listening, which in turn means that i now walk around with earbuds in listening to my jams.
besides the benefit of discouraging strangers from talking to me (joking, kinda), listening to music as i walk from point a to point b makes me feel insulated, like i’m in a bubble. with my awesome noise-canceling ear-contouring headphones, external noises are muted and dim and i can instead pump whatever sound-drug of choice straight into my head.
today’s insulation was classical music, particularly this. walking around in the grocery market was eerie; walking near people was eerie; taking off my earbuds to talk to the cashier was like poking my head out of a turtleshell. earbuds-in was very cozy, warm, safe—i could pretend i was alone and moving through a dream-world inhabited by unthreatening, hollow, silent automatons.
yes, i am occasionally antisocial and mildly introverted.
but solitude and isolation are such a blessing sometimes. to be allowed the freedom of being alone with my thoughts, or to be allowed to take a step back from the outside world and other concerns, if even for just a few minutes—this is becoming more and more precious to me.
excuse me while i go hide in my turtleshell.
was standing in the shower when i thought, “i just want Jesus.” i have a very quick knee-jerk reaction against anything that resembles neediness. but then i realized—it’s not being needy that’s the issue, but what we’re needy for. most of the time being needy is a problem because we’re needy for things that will never satisfy us or fill us up. it doesn’t make sense to be needy for those things. but being needy for jesus—having a voracious hunger for him—that’s the only thing that makes sense.
favorite punctuation mark and why?